I'm considering joining this group: http://www.twitfitter.com/
So, I'm officially out-of-shape, but trying to get back into shape. At least I'm doing something, although it's pretty painful in the process. I'm also taking great measures to ensure that I'm not overdoing it at this (beginning) stage. The last thing I want is to start out all strong and gung-ho to find myself incapacitated in little time.
So, I thought I was going to ride Juniper to the gym, walk for 20 minutes, do a strength training class, and then bike home on Juniper. I got my times mixed up, however, and found myself at the gym 30 minutes too late for the strength training class. That's okay; there's a Pilates class at 10am. I can go to that after I walk/jog for now, I thought. So, I headed up to the track, and began the cardio workout. I walked 6 minutes for my warm-up, then proceeded with 3 minute intervals of walking and jogging. I did a cool-down of walking for 2 minutes before heading over to the Pilates class. I definitely forgot how hard Pilates was. I could hardly do anything! Planks had me trembling and down on my knees! My balance was non-existent! Forget using the ball when lifting and lowering my ankles ... I couldn't hack it and after 30 minutes, I realized that if I didn't stop, I was going to over-do it and/or hurt myself. So, after a valient and demanding half-hour, I packed it up and headed out. For the first time in a really long, long time, I was "that girl." On the plus side, I have to say that riding the bicycle was suddenly the (easy) highlight of the day's workout plan ...
I don't think of myself as quitting, but just being realistic. It's too early to push too hard. I'm actually glad I stopped when I did. The walk/jog went really well, actually. The jog was much, much better than I had expected it to be. My Pilates performance left me wanting, but I did get a lot out of it (and can be felt today). I'm not crippled, just pleasantly sore in all the right places. I'm planning to take time to go for an easy swim this afternoon to help work out all of the soreness and kinks in my neck and shoulders. I am going to have to work on getting back in the habit of relaxing my upper body during workouts since I find myself shrugging and hunching-up my shoulders when I'm really pushing the effort.
So, for a total of 20 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of Pilates, it was a bit painful, but worth every moment.
Workouts of any shape, kind, or form ceased three months ago when I started the fall semester. Why? Well, I learned that I would have to find time to:
- work full-time
- take two graduate-level courses
- complete and pass my Ph.D. Preliminary Oral & Written Examination, and
- wrap-up my M.S. thesis defense.
- There are 168 hours in a week.
- I work at least 45 hours a week (leaving me 123 hours).
- I'm in class a total of 6 hours a week (117 left).
- I spent 12 hours a week doing homework (105 left).
- Researching, writing, and re-writing for my prelim was another 12 hours every week (93 left).
- Writing, re-writing, and revising my M.S. thesis took another 5 hours every week (88 left).
- I did my best to sleep 8 hours any given night (24 left).
- I ate twice a day (10 left) and showered once a day (3 left).
- Errands, laundry, paying bills, cooking, and organizing took the remainder of my time (0).
... this morning, I rode my commuter bike, Juniper, to the gym and partook in the Strictly Strength group weightlifting class at The Weight Club. It was tough (and humbling) to be starting from scratch again, but it felt so empowering and so good to get back in there and sweat a little. I'm a little achy/sore now, but I'm looking forward to walking it off tomorrow with my dog and boyfriend. I think I'm the only person who loves Winter Break for the fact that I can finally find time to workout and lose weight! Ha, ha!
My crotch hurts.
Okay, maybe that's a bit extreme and too graphic for our imagination, but truth is, my right groin muscle HATES me right now. I played soccer today with a bunch of insane, rough-playing, guys. Last week when I played, I was really into it. Today, I just wasn't "feeling it" and I think it showed. But that's not the point. The point is that I started to get tired of being runaround and out-maneuvered, so I began to up my game. I got rougher, more aggressive in my plays for the ball, and I ended up getting into some serious face-offs with some of the guys. One of the plays ended with me and a guy both missing the ball and crossing legs and feet at full force from opposite directions. His right pink-shoe clad foot went into my right black cleated foot and both of us were stopped dead in our tracks upon contact. I actually think my foot bounced off of his a little bit. In any case, my foot went instantly numb and a shock of sorts travelled up my leg and well into my lower back. It subsided fairly quickly and I resumed play, but every kick thereafter was weaker, and my fine motor control of the right foot seemed impaired. I realized after a half an hour that my right foot was dragging across the grass as I "ran." It didn't take me much longer to realize that I couldn't lift my foot off of the ground more than an inch or two without excrutiating pain radiating out of my groin.
PANIC! My triathlon is less than a month away!
Let's hope it heals with IB Proferin and a heating pad tonight.
I'm more or less back into the swing of it all again.
Summary
I had a pitiful May, an okay June, a great July, and am aiming for an awesome August, but only time will tell. :) So far, so good, though.
What I've been doing
I've been in the saddle commuting (it's really easy to get 30 minutes a day this way) and walking with Calen in the mornings to the store to pick up fresh produce for the day's breakfast (another 30 minutes roundtrip). I even started swimming and it was much easier and so much more pleasant than I last remembered. I've been on several longer rides (50 miles) over the weekends and a lot of shorter (1 hour), but intense interval ("Muscle Monday") rides as well. Even added in a little weight training and Pilates to round it out. I've been a little scant on running, but I'm not really planning on running most of the Pacific Grove Triathlon event, anyway. (I'm planning on jog/walking the 10k. I'm only looking to finish, not be awesome!)
What I haven't been doing
I've been slacking on the food control for about two years. I've gained back 26 of the 45 lbs. I'd lost. I was looking at the weight charts today and I was pretty amused at how I've been gaining two pounds every month for the past two years. That's 7,000 excess calories a month. It really does add up over time! (Shit!) Anyway, I figured I'd start back with exercising in May (check) and once that was manageable, I'd get back into eating healthy and watching my portion control (which started this month). I have to say, it's not bad since I've enlisted the help of Le Boyfriend. I've tasked him with arriving at restaurants earlier than me and ordering predetermined "healthy" options for me. Plus, he's been eating half of my food and that's been great!
All that remains behind her metamorphoses is a long and narrow corrugated cardboard beige box. She's in the corner, one hood lightly resting against the black and steel gray BBQ. It may be the light, but it looks as if she twinkling; her dark amber and forested green skin a sheen of earthy colors glowing softly under the isolated bulb overhead. The garage breathes life just by housing her within its womb.
Another stolen glance at her reveals more of her true form. She isn't dainty--not by a long shot--nor is she unpleasant to look at. Instead, her beauty is like that of Katherine Hepburn, a handsomely rugged beauty. She's remarkably well-proportioned, yet looks a good few inches taller than her actual height. Her top tube slopes ever so slightly from the well-cushioned seat into slightly larger-than-expected handlebars. Indeed, she appears to be more stylish workhorse than the conventional waif winners of late.
She was birthed into life late last night with the able hands of Le Boyfriend. While I remained buried in the dark corners of our office scribing and searching for a suitable maiden voyage for the fair bicycle, he steadfastly created her. Well into the twilight hours of the night did I finally hear him cry out, "And, it is done!" Leaving websites of Rails-to-Trails behind, I rushed to the garage. What I came upon was both a grisly, yet tender scene. Bike parts and casings and plastic wrap discarded in disheveled heaps surrounded the two of them. But I saw him with her, sweetly and lovingly caressing the fine cables, tweaking and truing them, coaxing smooth braking and shifting out of her; these things would be the final vestiges which would bring her to life and into my heart forever.
Juniper is her name, "a symbol of longevity, strength, athleticism, and fertility." [Wikipedia]
And today ... she rides.
OMG. Rick Crawford just described my dream office:
"We need to get rid of business suits, and make sure every facility has showers so that people doing big business feel clean and comfy after they commute to work on their bikes. It should be cool to do big business in casual clothes that can be stuffed into a backpack. And put a laundry room in the office too."
Read all about his "rant" here: http://www.velonews.com/article/78930/circles-wasting-energy-in-an-energy-challenged-world
I, too, have come to realize commuting by bike is something so much bigger and better than just feeding my inner hamster.
I bailed on the social ride today because I couldn't get home in time to change clothes and to meet up with everyone. Just so you know, the Tuesday social ride I speak of is actually NOT a club ride. It's just a ride that I've volunteered to lead for my friends and their families. We ride a local Rails-to-Trails route (Huckleberry Trail) and the average pace is 8mph on a "fast" day. :) Literally, it's an active rest ride for me, but I get a handful of women coming to this ride. They're interested in cycling, but are afraid to start (and confused by all the different options and "rules" of riding). I'm trying to help them out and get them comfortable and interested in road cycling. My goal is to one day incorporate them all into the local club social rides that happen on Wednesday and Saturdays around here. I'm sure it will be a while before that happens, though! The average pace for those rides tends to be 15 mph on hilly terrain (3000+ ft of climbing over 20-30 miles).
Anyway, I canceled today's social ride when I realized that I wouldn't be able to start it at the regular 6pm time. My normal carpool ride home couldn't leave work by 5pm and the bus wasn't going to arrive until 5:15pm (and then it took the LONG way home). By the time I stepped off the bus, it was 5:45pm an I still had a 20 minute walk home in my heels while carrying a laptop bag. Trust me, at this moment all I was thinking about was how I wished I had put together my commuter bike and rode it to work that day!
By the time I got home, it was already past 6pm. I took the dog out for a quick 20 minute walk, came home and suited up in spandex, and at nearly 7pm I headed out for a tempo ride with 30 seconds intervals of big chain (hard gear) followed by 2 minutes easy and then another interval of 30 seconds medium gear spinning as fast as I could go, followed by another 2 minutes of easy. I did this for 15 miles (less than 500 ft. climbing) for ~1 hour. It was tougher than I thought it would be, but I completed it. That's all that matters! 
As soon as I get my new commuter/touring bike put together, I think I'm going to try to start commuting to work. I only have 10 minutes to ride. It's sad. I usually either take the bus or get a ride from my boyfriend because I don't like being all sweaty for just 10 minutes of riding. I'm thinking about actively riding out of my way as part of my "commute" and then just shower at the gym that is only 3 blocks away from my office. The thing is ... I really like being able to get ready at home in the mornings. Damn, convenience! :) I almost wished I lived 15-20 miles away from work so that I really would have a good excuse to start commuting again (like I did in CA). Adding 15 miles to 3 miles every morning just seems a little ridiculous when I know I can skip it and sleep in for an extra hour. You know what I'm saying? I really do like my sleep.
I also need to remember to take it easy on the runs! I started out feeling really strong with them and then--WHAM!--the next day I feel shot! I have been more fatigued than I thought I'd be. I feel strong when doing it, but it's taking longer for my body to recover. I'm still working on finding the right number of recovery days and balancing when I should be doing what. So far, it's just chaos: I do the exercises/training as I can, and there's been 0% swimming done so far. That's okay ... I'm not the least bit worried. June was just getting started on routinely working out. (So far, very good. I'm averaging 4+ times a week!) I think I'm going to make July the month that I actually try to stick to the workout plan. We'll see what August may bring ...
How about you? How has your "workout stickiness" been?
I started looking at some of my old blogging friends' blogs again: Libor, Eric Ford, Kyliee, and discovered that Eric is back! He just started back in around April/May after a few years hiatus. Go figure. Maybe he, Vollenda, and I all just had a little burnout or needed some time to miss triathlons to get "it" back. Although, to be honest, this training thing is a lot harder to do than I last remembered. :)
The BIG excitement this week would be that I got a new commuter bike! It's the Schwinn World Tour Commuter bike and it was delivered Saturday ... but I didn't (and still don't) have time to put it together until Wednesday or Thursday of this week. I was hoping to assemble it over the weekend, but between being ill, resting, and doing chores, it just never happened. I also didn't do much exercise over the weekend. I rode Amelia for 45 minutes on Saturday and didn't push my HR higher than Zone 3. Mostly, I slept and rested a lot. I did a ton of laundry. That's okay, I obviously needed it.
Speaking of being lazy ... This weekend in the garage I uncovered a set of new racing wheels STILL IN THE BOX that I bought last November. How come I never got around to putting these on? I guess I kept thinking that I just needed a racing bike to put them on--Ha, ha! Yeah, I could be that, but I'm starting to think that I really am lazy! :) Maybe, I'll finally get both of those things done this week ...
On the work front: I'm instructing lots of pedagogical workshops this week. Today is the only "slow" day I have ... but I do have a 1/2 day off on Friday and Monday! On Friday, I'm heading up to NY to participate in the Long Island Harbors Ride. Florin and I will be riding 50 miles on Sunday for the event and I'm really looking forward to it. It's so nice to get out of town and ride sometimes! I love the local rides, but there's something so cool about doing an event somewhere far away. You know what I mean?
I also recently joined the Rails-to-Trails Conservancy and have fallen in love with the idea of going on a transcontinental ride. (Not all at once, but sections and pieces at a time.) I especially love the "find a trail" site they have, TrailLink: http://www.traillink.com/. This is awesome!
So, I'm planning to run easy tonight (but I feel so sluggish and bloated today--what's up with that?) Tomorrow, an easy social ride. Wednesday, I hope to ride at a moderate intensity. Thursday, I plan a 2+ hour ride down to the New River with Florin with lots of breaks along the way. Friday and Saturday will be off days. Lot's of leg work as you can see, but I still need to squeeze swimming in somewhere. I don't know why I abstain from it ... it's not like I hate to swim ... I guess it's that whole "lazy" thing again!
What do you have planned for the week?
I've taken Thursday and Friday off from workouts due to a nasty head cold and general malaise. I slept a lot in the hours that I would normally be working or working out. I feel 1000% better for it. I awoke with only a runny nose this morning--the head congestion has bid adieu! I spent the better part of the morning getting a little extra sleep and then around 2pm started chores around the house. Aside from a bit of dizziness, I feel pretty grand. After a protein-heavy, light-carbohydrate breakfast, tons of water, and some more chores (ironing while watching Top Gear), by 6pm I felt confident enough to head out for an easy ride.
I grabbed Amelia and decided to go out Glade to Merrimac and back on Prices Fork. I was careful not to push too hard and to keep it in Zone 3 or less. I have to say that I do still have a bit of a scratchy, sore throat. (That was quickly apparent as I am still breathing through my mouth because of the runny nose.) Other than that, I think I'm nearly 100% again. It's amazing how R&R really can and does work wonders.
It's still busy at work (now I'm conducting training 8-5 Tues-Thur), but at least I'll likely leave by 5pm today to do a super slow social/family ride with friends and co-workers. I rode 33 miles on Saturday and it nearly killed me. I was the slowest (and most tired) one in the group. It's been awhile since I've been *that* person. Oh, well. We all start somewhere, right? Despite being dead last and all, I still had a great time and took Sunday OFF to also sleep in (love those lazy Sundays!)
So, Monday I woke up too late to workout and then I worked really late and figured I'd just skip a workout day. Then, I found out that I had missed the last bus home and my boyfriend was also stuck at work. That meant I was either going to have to walk home or run home. Since I keep a stash of workout clothes and shoes at my office, I figured, "What the hell, let's run!" I donned the clothes and left my office and started jogging home. It was actually really awesome, except for the hailstorm 10 minutes into my run. (Ouch!) I should've known by the thundering rainclouds ... which followed shortly with big, fat, juicy drops of rain. :) In less than 2 minutes, I was SOAKED head-to-toe and still had a mile-and-a-half to go. At least it was a warm rain ... and I wasn't all hot and sticky when I was done. :D
Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM feeling lazy and was just about to go back to sleep when had this horrible half-awake/half-asleep realization: gaining 20 lbs. in 2 years means I'd be a huge disappointment to my friends and family back home. Following that thought was a phrase I like to repeat to myself, "If You Keep Doing the Same Thing, You'll Keep Getting the Same Result" Needless to say, I'm still not as heavy as before and I'm certainly more fit at my current weight then when I was previously at this weight. I'm ready for this change. It was all I needed to get my butt outta' bed and into my workout clothes. I got to the gym and lifted weights for an hour in the BodyPUMP course. It was great and I'm glad I went. Now, if only I'd stop being so hungry at lunchtime! (*grumbly belly*)
http://www.active.com/fitness/Articles/20_Ways_to_Stick_to_Your_Workout.htm
OMG, I think #20 would definitely be motivation enough!
"20. Blackmail yourself
Take a picture of yourself shirtless, holding a sign that shows your e-mail address. Then e-mail it to a trusted but sadistic friend ..."
I think I'd have to add a #21: Get yourself a Sam Meemken. That worked really well for me! (I miss you Sam!)
Man, what a depressing way to end the day. :(
There's been a lot of talk of death today. First, my sister asks me about the VT Shootings. I really haven't revisited it much in my mind since last April 16. Probably for a good reason. (It's depressing.)
Katrina Cometa (of the Radford cycling group) was recently attacked by a dog while she was cycling. She lucked out, breaking hips and other bones. But I just learned that Forrest "Fess" Green, a professor at Radford University, was riding his bicycle when struck by a car. He passed away today in the Roanoke ICU. Don, a Pulaski cyclist just placed a memorial for Fess on the introduction (Enter) page of thedrivewaygear.com. Iain wrote the below email to the NRVBA listserv:
Folks,
I'm sure many of you have stories of Fess Green as I do. I hope you bring them in your hearts to Fess's service later this week (arrangements to be announced). I think his wife, Millie, would very much appreciate your attendance an hearing your appreciation and memories of Fess.
It is difficult to think of a person who has been more involved and giving to NRV cycling in his own way than Fess. As Matt O'Toole now does for the NRVBA, he fought persistently, stubbornly, intelligently, and patiently to improve the lot of cyclists, young and old, in this valley. Without him, there is some question whether the bicycle path in Radford would exist. Without him, it is doubtful that planning for alternate methods of transportation in the NRV would have been considered 10 years ago. Cantankerous, yes! Opinionated, yes! A man who involved himself in giving back to his community, YES! They don't make them any better.
I also remember my rides with him. His learning to use clipless pedals--ouch! His fondness for a rollicking good time. His stories of his wanderings around the world on his bike, in a canoe, on a hike, and even by cruise ship. His wisdom about the confounding frustrations of trying to get community projects implemented. Many of us are riding, hiking, and water-crafting on improvements that Fess was an instrumental part of. His authorship of a book communicating his passion for the history of this area and cycling culminating in his book:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Wilderness-Road-Odyssey /Fess-B-Green/e/9780936015941 &sourceid=Q000000630
http://countryroadscollections.com/artistinfo.htm#fess_green
I've attached a few pictures of Fess (thanks to Katrina Cometa & Linda Burk for contributing). This is how I will remember him.
Blessed, following winds, my friend and colleague,
Iain
I do sports. Well, I try to do sports as much as possible. Since moving to BBurg, however, the fall/winter mold is killing my sinuses. I hate taking drugs. Oprah (yes, the one from TV) suggested something called a Neti Pot. I got one for Florin (le boyfriend). He loves it and it helped him immensely. I tried it out. It works, but I wasn't so keen on the amount of (forceful) pressure that I felt was being delivered. It made me want to shove Q-tips into my ear canals.
I did some more research online and found out about something called Sinus Irrigation. It's a method of sinus cleansing that uses a device that looks amazingly like my WaterPik. Sure enough, they are more-or-less the same. So ... I have a WaterPik Model WP-65 and I bought the little "SinuPulse replacement sinus irrigator tip" (made by Health Solutions, Model SPST) from AllerG.com. It didn't say on the web site that it would fit WaterPik WP-65, but it did say that it fit the WaterPik 60 and 70. I figured that WP-65 was in-between and it would probably work. (It fits! It does work! To the left is a picture of it.)
I LOVE it. I like it so much better than the SinuCleanse Nasal Wash/Neti Pot (image on right), if only because I can control the pressure coming out of the WaterPik and thus, the sinus irrigator tip. I also really like the pulsating action; it causes less pressure upon my tear ducts and ears. I've also found that I only need to use it every 2-3 days to have completely clear sinuses for just about that long. It's amazing. I have to say that it's really making breathing easier which is making exercising a lot easier, too.
I only wish I had known about this sooner. I've told all of my friends and family about it. I really doubted it would work, but I'm glad that it does. Probably the best $15 I've spent in a long time.
I encountered a bit of an odd situation this week. As many of you know, I wrestle with my weight, mainly because I'm wrestling to find the time to exercise (something that I actually love to do and would definitely describe as a "serious hobby"). Now, it's not uncommon to have friends who are/were as you are/were. Like most heavier people, I have/had some heavier friends. We share the other hobby of fine dining and cooking (another "serious hobby" of mine). What struck me as odd was that this week one of my longtime friends (who also struggles with weight) posted pictures of a trip, but completely excluding images of me. Why? Because he was considerate of the fact that I may be sensitive about having "fat" pictures of me all over the Internet.
Am I the only fat person in the world who is not ashamed of being fat?
I was fat. It's not a bad word, it's a description! :) I was fat, then I was skinny, now I'm sorta' pudgy ... I suppose I wouldn't want someone to literally say to me, "Amber, you were/are fat," but I cannot deny that such a thing was/is the truth. Besides, I was fat, not DEAD.
Just because there are less than flattering pics out there doesn't mean I wasn't having a good time. I have to admit, sometimes I grimace when I see pictures that show how heavy I had become. I also admit that sometimes I like seeing myself being heavier and obviously having a blast at whatever it was I was doing. It reminds me that there is so much more to life than how we look. And that is an issue that I'm constantly wrestling with now that I've been "skinny" and have gained back some of my weight. I've learned the dark secret of "skinny" people and that is that they abhor fat folks. There is a good number of folks who are appalled by extraneous flesh; they feel sorry for us fatties. They hope to never "let themselves go like that." Really, I feel very sorry for them.
I've been on both sides of the fence and would have to say that I'd rather be fat (but fit) with a healthy zeal for life than be obsessed over my looks and appearances and what others may think of me. Do I deny that I would like to be skinny? No, but I have a limit--a price point at which it seems an unreasonable price to pay. I never want to feel that I'm too fat or skinny to do anything ... and I believe that is the real key to weight management. Truth is, I'd rather be fit and athletic if that was an option. Like right now ... I'm a little pudgy, but I'm damn fit. I'm doing high-intensity cardio 6X a week, Pilates/Yoga 3X a week, and am about to add weightlifting 2X a week. I've got a few bicycling Century (100 miles) events coming up and I'm planning to re-race the first Triathlon event I had ever done.
I'm not ashamed of being fat or overly proud of being skinny. These are purely side effects to my true goals: to enjoy my hobbies (exercise and eating) whenever and wherever I can! Come to think of it, the only "weight-loss" goal I have is simply to have as much fun as possible no matter what the scale says.
It hits me occasionally: Nostalgia. Sentimental day-dreaming. A harsh return to reality.
Since I didn't go home this Xmas, it didn't really feel like the Holidays. It feels like a bitingly cold summer.
It's strange to have a New Year in the middle of a cold summer.
I miss home and the way things used to be with my friends and family. I don't miss any of my past romantic relationships, though. I just miss the good times I used to have with Jon, Aaron, Sam, Berta, Jenn, Rob, Paca, Diana, Iwe, Hans, and others. I miss having time to have friends ... and to upkeep friendships. New friends and the ships they are on take so much effort to make, but old ones of any worth do somehow stick around (Thank God!).
I've been having these silly and crazy dreams of moving back home to Chico ... of all places. I don't really miss Chico, but I miss what it represents: family, friends, familiarity, Donut Nook, Bidwell Park, and a more carefree time of my life. I am somehow convinced that even if I did move back, it wouldn't be the same place for me anymore. Besides, what would I do there? The ISDT program appears to be dismantling ...
I've been stuck on thinking about how many people have passed away during the 2007 year. People that I know, or rather, I have known or affected me in some way or another. First, Garrett died, then Chuy. Then there was the VT Shootings at my campus. Dr. John Long, department chair of CDES at Chico State, also expired. I just recently learned that Robert Jordan, author of The Wheel of Time saga, passed away in September. In a way, my own (ex-)husband died; Josh and I began and continued a bitter separation. I feel a little empty and at loss as to how these passings affect me. I am sad, but I move forward. The dichotomy of myself is increasingly pronounced. I am two parts: one stuck in the past, one stridently pressing forth. Returning to school to get a Ph.D. certainly hasn't helped bridge these two halves of my soul.
I can hardly wait until I am done with this Ph.D. and can resume life again. I've no time to process anything except work, workouts, research articles, books, and intellectual pieces. I can see why Doctors of Philosophy are referred to as "living within the Ivory Tower." Academia is yet another world, detached from all the rest of it. Not to say that I miss the insipid news of Celebritywood and the like, but ... surely one can exist in-between? Isn't that where all the other "normal" people reside?
I want to work and be a professional again. I despise being a (grad) student. (Sigh.) It's a life of always feeling inferior and subjects me to the whim of everyone with authority. I look forward to once again being my own authority and vow not to subject someone else to "my authority." I'm hoping once I'm done with school, I'll be able to reconcile my two selves again; to take that time to mourn those who have passed. I hope to reflect and to heal. Until then, I fear that I cannot! I just slap a bandage on, and press forth! (Let's hope no arteries have been hit ...)
Dammit ... I've gotten pudgy again. My own weight gain never really hits me until I'm trying to cram myself into a pair of jeans that used to fit and now suddenly don't.
It's not all bad, though. At least my life is increasingly calmer and more stable. Soon, I hope to be divorced (not just separated), and have a very steady 8-to-5 day in which life is a routine of wake-up, snack, workout, snack, go to work, eat, work, snack, class/workout, eat, vegetate. Most people would call that boring, but I call it sanity! (It beats the current past semesters of wake-up, FREAK OUT, STRESS OUT, eat fast food, work, do homework, go to class, eat fast food, and sleep.)
With the New Year in mind, I've decided it's time to make the time for myself again. I actually started this "New Year's Resolution" back in the first week of December, so I've already hit the ground running (quite literally)! On a side note, I have to say that I like taking the time for ME to go workout; I'm not sure why I don't make it more of a priority. (Oh, yeah ... because SCHOOL demands so much! The good news is that I only have ONE class this semester! Not THREE! Hip-hip-hooray!)
My December recap would note that I was very well-behaved with the food over the holidays and have not only kept up my cardio workouts, but have increased them. A month of sore feet and quads have passed and I'm no longer aching after any of the workouts. I've got base! That means it's time to get back into fitness training.
Therefore, I've mapped out this year's primary events. Assuming nothing cataclysmic happens, I will be participating (not racing) in the following events:
- Chico, CA Velo Wildflower (Century) 04-27-2008
- NRVBA Cycling Double Header - Wilderness Road Ride (78 mi.) 05-24-2008
- NRVBA Burkes Garden (Century) 08-15-2008
- The Triathlon at Pacific Grove, CA (Sprint) 09-14-2008
- Big Lick Triathlon at Smith Mtn. Lake State Park (Olympic) 09-20-2008
X marks the spot. Today the spot is a 5x accomplishment!
I did something today that I haven't done since June 2007. (Man, that was long ago.) I managed to get in 5x of workouts this week. Even better than that is that 4 of the 5 workouts were 45 minutes or longer!
It may not be a big deal to you, but it's quite an accomplishment for me given how demanding school has been. My exams, papers, and finals are finally over and I'm right back on track. All semester long I've been keeping a 3x a week workout schedule consisting mostly of 45-minute sessions of spinning, swimming, or jogging. It's not been enough to stop weight gain, but it's been enough to maintain my cardio. With school winding down significantly (I no longer have to take 3 hard courses at the same time! I'm down to one class this Spring, Summer, and Fall and I'm DONE with courses! OH, YEAH!) In the spirit of this newfound time, my overall goal for this year and part of the next is to actually lose weight over the holidays--and I think I can do it!
I'm starting out next week with a 1.5 hour long spinning class. I have to admit, I feel really good about all of this, but oh-my-goodness, am I tired. I need a nap. :)
I'm cross-posting because I think this is an important thing to mention.
Okay. Today I was innocently googling for a lost blog that I used to share with some female cyclist friends. When I googled the terms I was looking for, I got two top hits that linked to her blogs and a truckload of my own Twitterings right beneath. I scanned the page and was thinking, Huh! I'm surprised but it's fine and dandy--WAIT A MINUTE! I came across one of dubious nature at the w3top.org site. Using MY Twitter information, they have created a FAKE Twitter-Date hook-up site for ... me? ... based out of the Netherlands? Say WHAT?!?
According to them, I'm also seeking a: woman. Uh-uh ... No, I don't think so!
Like I said, Twittering just got a little creepy, if only because other people use my public information for things of dubious and unauthorized use. My next question is, "How do I make them stop?"
Just Jenn wrote, "but it makes you think: if today is my last day on this earth, what would i leave behind? what unanswered questions would i leave? do the people in my life know how much they mean to me? what will happen to bert and ernie? did i really live the life i wanted?"
Geez, she nailed that one. I have to admit, since I've re-entered grad school, I feel as if life went back on hold again. School is such a selfish discipline. It's all about me and my learning. The funny part is, well, good learning is about being so personally meaningful. Yet ... if I were to die tomorrow, I'm not so sure this was the life I really wanted. It's really the life I'm still building towards.
I mean, I'm not even married anymore (the marriage separation agreement was filed last week). I don't have any kids. (I do have a dog and a fish.) I'm going to be 31-years-old next month. I workout very little (about 3x a week). I won't be doing any triathlons as long as I am taking courses. I hardly drink beer anymore. I never go out to the bars. Nearly every dinner is take-out, drive-thru, or delivery. Breakfast is All-Bran cereal w/fresh fruit (thank goodness something is balanced)! But really ... what kind of "life" do I live?
Yet, I don't exactly hate it. It's very constrained, very structured; something always needs to be done. It can be overwhelming, but I often feel that it is easier to ride along in it like a boat without paddles on a river. I may be heading straight over the waterfall to my death, but I almost don't care because the boat feels so safe all along the way.
School is like that. It feels so safe, but has all of these ridiculous self-inflicted, razor-wire constraints. Yet--I love knowing what avenues will open to me once the doctorate is complete. I live today for a better tomorrow.
If today was my last day on this earth, what would I have left behind?
- I would leave behind my beloved steel bike, Amelia, and her delightful new, aero rims which are still waiting in the box, begging to be unwrapped.
- I would leave behind a desk of papers, books, articles, unfinished assignments, about 6 papers, and a pre-lim exam, all waiting to be completed.
- I would leave behind a lot of furniture.
- I would leave behind a graduate assistantship that needs me, a job that I loved.
- I would leave behind an unfinished marriage/divorce.
- Did she ever find love again?
- Would she ever consider getting married again?
- Why does she never call?
- What was she thinking when she bought that duvet cover?
I assume they do. But you know what they say, "When you assume, it makes an Ass out of U and Me."
- Grandma, Granddad, Mom, Dad, Diana & Chat - Important family. I love them. They know even if I don't call or write nearly enough.
- Jenn, Berta, Paca, Jon, Sam, Rob - my friends in Chico. They know, but the distance and my lack of time degrades the relationships. It's tough and saddens me to no end. Twitter has helped keep in touch at least.
- Probably roommate foster care. Or Mom would take them. No way would my Ex-to-be be allowed to have them.
- Yes and no. I don't think I would have done it any differently, but I do always hope and plan for a tomorrow. There's still so much I want to experience. After all, I live today for a better tomorrow.
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